Our mobile phone service provider, who for fear of additional reprisals I will call  Darth Mobilus, is quite possibly the most inefficient and disorganized service providor in the history of telecommunications.

We recently upgraded our phones and service plan and every bill since then has required a minimum of two hours of my time to straighten out.  On our last bill they overcharged us to the tune of $180.00.  When confronted with the charges, they were unable to offer a satisfactory explanation of said charges and refunded them all.  I was given a new, correct total which I promptly paid.  Three days later I received a text message saying my account was past due in the amount of $34.00.  When I called to complain, they said that several credits that were supposed to be applied, were in fact not applied, and that they would put a hold on the past due notice for seven days to give the credits time to hit.

Today I received another message saying that I was past due.  Again, I called and the woman in financial services apologized profusely, said I had $57.00 in credits that had not been applied and offered to transfer me to Room 101 where everything would be taken care of.  The CSR from Room 101 promptly told me that I had no credits floating around waiting to hit, but that she would be happy to credit me for the $34.00 as a token of her immense affection for me and my continued patronage.  When I asked her about the $57.00 credit I had and who would get to spend the $23.00 difference, she said “there are no credits.”

She actually tried to use the Jedi Mind Trick on me.  ”I’m a Troydarian,” I replied, “mind tricks don’t work on me, only money.”  She did not get it.  Or she got it and her training in the dark arts is better than I anticipated.  Fearing she might actually be able to force choke me through the phone, I said thanks and hung up.

Maybe I should have gone with a Jabba the Hutt quote instead of Watto.  Until the next bill….